Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
