worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
