Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
