He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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