I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
