bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
