At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
