There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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