Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
