need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
