wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
