I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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