is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
