Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
