Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
