Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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