i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
