I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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