I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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