You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
