yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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