Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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