It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
