Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
