That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
