Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
