thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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