I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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