clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
