I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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