im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
