if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize