dude i'm inner monologue high
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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