I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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