How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
