I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
