dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
