I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
