he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
