so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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