Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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