walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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