I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
