i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
