He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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