i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
