God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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