Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
