he told me I talked like a deaf person
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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