just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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