Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My cat gives me a boner
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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