I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
