The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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