The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So many bounce houses so little time
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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