My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
