I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
