Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
