If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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