I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
"it" just moved
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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