My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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