that's what penises do
they tell lies.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
