is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
