i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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