My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
