I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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