I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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