we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize