Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My bed smells like the plague
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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