That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
