he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.