Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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