at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
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Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.