my mouth tastes like poor choices
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO