What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
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oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.