So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.