I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!