My hand turned me down
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
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you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.