I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
