She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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