Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.