My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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