next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
