Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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